Alan Greenspan Might Be the AntiChrist


Sometimes I think that Alan Greenspan just might be the AntiChrist, the biblical figure who crushes the last remnants of civilization in his many headed, inhumane cabal while the world itself goes dark. The Apocalypse tells us that only God Himself can slay this greedy beast and save mankind from its' inexorable grasp. Then I realize that the only people who think that Alan Greenspan doesn't need a bit of Art Therapy and perhaps a pair of Depends at this point are Congress and the White House, and we already know that those folks are in league with Satan.

For a moment yesterday, I was very frightened that Greenspan's suggestion would be taken seriously. It has been at his suggestion that the Federal Interest Rate has dropped to a fraction of a percent at times. This is an idea, Greenspan tells us, that allows for the borrowing of money for business expansion, asset purchasing and salaries for literally pennies on the dollar. The idea, a form of trickle down economics, seems acceptable, even appropriate on its' face. However in the execution it is destructive to the middle and lower classes, which is idea best illustrated by John Kerry: "Folks, we've being trickled on, all right."

Wipe that 'economic incentive' off of your face and try to follow along with me: Although the Fed interest rate is hovering around .75%, home loans are considered a "great deal" at 4%. Credit card rates, after a quick tease, skyrocket to 12.5%, sometimes 21% and to the scales as high as 33%!! That does not include annual fees, which Carlo the Fist does NOT charge his customers, but Chase and Citibank don't have the class of the old school neighborhood loan shark. Under the auspices of Bush the Elder, the U.S. banks began to ride a tide of higher and more fees, rising interest rates and predatory credit practices. Not to worry. Only bad people get into debt. Good people save their money, they have a nest egg, which economic experts warn should equal three months to six months of expenses. H'yah. Shurrrr.

In an environment where a high yield checking account requires a $2K deposit and only pays 3 1/4% per annum, the public is smart enough to see that either they gamble and play stocks -- where they can get that 12 to 15% return their parents got, or roughly half of what their own creditors get -- or they spend in order to keep ahead of inflation. As inflation rises, that 10% you saved three years ago is now worth about 3%. Hmmmm. That seem like going backwards to most of us.

So, despite a total breakdown in the pay structure of the American workplace and a devastating stock market crash, Greenspan thinks the best course of action is not to tax those who have reaped interest despite the slashing of the Fed. He doesn't want to ask those who have benefited most from our system of commerce to give even one tenth what they were contributing to our Republic during an era when they were referred to as "Robber-Barons". Greenspan wants you and I, the almost 40 somethings, to retire 20 years later than our parents did, with less cost of living adjustments and with now fewer benefits than that. Our money, you see, isn't making 33% at Capital One. It's languishing at .75% in the Federal Reserve and Greenspan is filthy rich but our treasury is not.

This little shell game is conning more Americans than the guy playing three card Monty over by Central Park. When and if Americans get wise to the game and confront their congressmen and senators (they don't deserve capitalization any more than they already got) we are told that we are living in a "capitalistic society" as though that makes it okay. By that logic I can say my child is a little high strung whenever he lunges at people and chomps on their legs. "Hah, little ankle biter! Quite a vigorous little guy, huh? You have to expect that with him, I said he was a rascal. Hah."

I'd say Greenspan was the AntiChrist but that would mean that he wasn't mean. It would assume that he had a soul and I don't think the guy has one. He's married Andrea Mitchell who seems nice and very sweet and very smart except that she chose the Dark Prince as her lifemate. Ewww. That's a picture I try to keep out of my head at all cost, as well as Greenspan's little smirk when he informed Congress that he thought we should actually cut SSI. Actually, Al, I agree. It needs some pruning.

Let's take those loppers to the SSI budget. Anyone who was spared paying that eeeevil little "Death Tax" automatically gets no SSI. Sorry, one free ride per lifetime. And anyone living strictly on interest? Do you realize how much cash those weasels have to have for a less than 1% interest rate to generate enough to feed, clothe and play for a year?!? And kick out of Medicaid and SSI anyone who is in the top 1% of the tax bracket. Period. Oh cry my a river, richest of the rich. Now that I have actually seen how gaudy Trump's house is I am NOT paying for his colonoscopy next week just for the dubious honor of working as a cashier at Mickey D's while using a hearing aid shaped like a funnel to take orders. That's what you call being trickled on, and unlike Paris and Nikki I didn't inherit a Hilton raincoat.

The whole derned GOP seems to be tone deaf this week. With 3 million people looking for meaningful employment, why should I care if some gay couple gets married? I'm sure they aren't Jehovah's Witnesses or anything, and from what I've read their unions actually fare better than traditional ones. I think gays have something around a 70% success rate while half or more of all marriages end in the D word. The extra revenue from all the certificates might keep the art program in my kids' school this spring so knock it off already! If George Bush wants to win this election, I mean really really wants to do what it takes he will speak to the American public at 7 pm on a Thursday night and state the following:

"My fellow Americans. Effective tomorrow, all multinational corporations who have offshore offices to hide their legal share of taxes will heretofore be required to begin to pay the taxes they attempted to evade (since we've been nailing regular people for doing it, we shouldn't turn a blind eye to GE and Microsoft and the rest). If they don't come up with a payment plan within 3 months and if they don't adhere to it, we will seize their assets and the corporation will be taken over and run by former welfare recipients who need the cash much more than these laggards seem to and who pay their taxes with pride and without complaint. It's a little Pilot Program I call "Enforced Ethics" and I think it is the answer to many of our economic woes.

"Oh, and I almost forgot. It is pronounced New-clee-ur, not New-kew-ler. And they are terr-or-ists, not terr-ists. See, even I your commander in chief is able to learn. And speaking of learning curves, Alan Greenspan has just been admitted to Sunnyvale Retirement Home. Apparently after his testimony this week, he thought he was Benny Hill and began running around Washington in short pants. So disregard his idiotic Social Security idea. We're talking to this College Dean from New York about something he calls a 'lock-box'. My aides say it's a good idea, and God knows I can't read a third grade book in the upright position let alone follow all of this money talk.

"And, uhhh, well, that's it. May God continue to Bless America."

the Curmudgeon