Running Mates

Open Memo to: John Kerry & Campaign Staff
For Your Consideration: possible Vice Presidential nominees


I've heard a lot of mumbling around the press the last few days regarding (besides your presumptive win of the Democratic Nomination) your choice of running mate. I believe that a few simple guidlelines regarding public response should guide your choices, or at the very least your "short list".

First and foremost, if you are considering "adding" to your likeablity numbers (as if your wins in every region do not denote your widespread appeal) for goodness sakes, stop listening to the pundits!!! They are idiots, as if you hadn't figured that one out by now, and worse, they love to meddle and offer advice designed to fix what isn't broken in the first place! If you really are concerned about your favorables, appear with your very charismatic daughter (I believe she's going for an MD?) and let yourself tell a joke once in a while -- especially when you can direct it at yourself. Telephone Clinton or even Bob Dole for pointers in this regard, but ignore the Regans -- I never thought that Mr. Regan thought he was the bumbling old geezer he pretended to be, whereas I honestly think that Bill and Bob have learned the public speaker's greatest talent, that of self deprecation. They know what it is about them that makes other people misjudge them, and they play that up.

For what it is worth, I don't think your image needs anything. You are an amazing speaker, a man of great gravitas when you talk about subjects that are vital to your sense of fairness and equity. No wonder you served as a prosecutor for a while! I would truly be honored to call you friend, Senator and President. Don't forget that the people booked for an obscure 12 minute interview on some cable channel about your image are unable to pay the bills unless they do those obscure 12 minute interviews. You're already a successful public servant, loved and admired by hundreds of thousands. Let the rest of America get to know you and they will love and be impressed with you too.

Sir, I don't know what your advisors have discovered, but in my experience -and I speak with hundreds of people from all walks of life, all over the US, so I have some idea of what America is thinking- your swing voting bloc this fall isn't a soccer mom or a Nascar dad, it is the Dilbert voter. Cubicle dwelling, middle income, median neighborhood, middle aged, middle management corporate cog, the people who wanted to save their IRS childtax credit advance this summer but had too many bills, too much debt, too many worries to not pay down or whittle away or just take off for a week. These voters are worried, they are working at or below their potential, they are soured by the disparity between executive pay and worker pay, they are nervous about real eastate values, inflation, deflation, stocks, Social Security and any terror alerts that the media trumpets make them so jittery they keep their kids home the first day it's announced. THAT is your swing bloc, sir, the "Dilbert Voter", and it is growing larger with every economic downturn, every local tax increase and every massive layoff that they witness. How to get these voters is cruicial to winning in November.

I know it's tempting, but don't pick some obsure governor as your VP choice. It will certainly backfire if you are hoping to grab their region on basis of hometown boy coattails alone. If you don't think so, look at Kucinich's polling in his district -- the longer he stays on the national stage, the worse his numbers get. Don't hurt the Governors of New Mexico or Washington after such long, hard fought victories against a fairly strong state GOP machine. Instead, garner their support in other ways, on the stump and behind the scenes. And whatever you do, DON'T court Bob Graham from Florida!

I like Bob, I think he is smart and very much a gentleman and that is exactly why he should not get into this particular bar fight. Your closest advisors have warned you that this will be a barfight, haven't they? Because I cannot count the number of black eyes that I, myself, have witnessed being delivered over arguments about the last election. Graham cannot risk his stature in Florida by sharing the ticket with you or anyone. Now, would he be an amazing choice for your nominating speech? Gads, yes! Unless of course Teddy Kennedy has already agreed, and then Graham can play cleanup and start off the last evening of the convention.

So, you have left former Senators, Governors and Officeholders and you have current Senators, Governors and Officeholders. Unless cryogenics has taken a huge leap forward since my last issues of Omni and Pop Science were delivered.

Now, of the latter, I think the obvious choice, Senator Edwards, has to be considered. I know, he's very young and he actually surpasses any other politician I have met in recent memory with the depth of his arrogance. But he will gain humility, the real kind, not the closing argument variety. So he would certainly bring nothing to the table that you want that you don't already have. He can be personable, until you get into his former vocation -- upon hearing he was a trial contingency fee lawyer, my 13 year old said "Yuck." Indeed.

I know you are considering Gephardt, I have heard his name and I cannot tell you in strong enough terms, bring Dick into your administration . Your years in oversight have shown you how valuable his integrity and values would be to any Executive Branch. But NOT on the ticket -- Please!!! On a scale from 1 to 10 he is a solid 3 1/2. He seems vaguely desperate and alternately concieted - all simply based upon impressions, but sir, make no bones about this, the Presidential Race is all about a popularity contest. The voters who read about the issues and who care about specifics have cast their votes in the primaries and we have chosen YOU.

As far as actual current government members, I can tell you that they should be charming, funny, articulate, strong. If possible s/he should be your age or younger -- heck, even an Eliot Spitzer would be great. I can not think of many men or women who fit that description, though if you could swing it Senator McCain would be the perfect addition, a dream ticket for me. And of course, Senator Clinton is a consideration, though she might become a lightning rod and possibly derail your efforts by turning the debate between you and Bush into a debate about her performance as First Lady.

As to the former group, President Clinton surely is on your short list. He also has the same shortcomings his wife brings, but he is far more popular for whatever reason (and the VP debate would be kick-ass and selfishly I would love to see Cheney trounced). Consider Sam Nunn long and well, sir, his resume and his demeanor bring almost the same cachet that McCain would. I would also court people like Madeline Albright, David Gergen, Donna Brazille, Robert Reich, heck even James Carville, who would bring the kind of sass and energy you really need.

Finally sir, I would like to remind you of one thing: Mr. Bush claims he is the epitome of courage under fire, though he was in hiding for several hours after the terrorist attacks, changing for the first time the conduct of those in holding the Oval Office while under attack; even Dolly Madison was publicly in the White House until they charged through one door and she ran out the other with several priceless artifacts for the good of the country. Now contrast that with Mr. Bush and Mr. Cheny, who were missing for hours and hours. Mr. Bush claims that he has the ability to be "steady" in times of war, while his conduct, and that of his V.P. was to hide in secret while demanding the rest of America -- Dilbert voters and all -- go back to work as if all was normal.

Sir, you are the very definition of Steadiness Under Fire; while under fire, you saved lives, earned multiple decorations and most importantly the respect of your men. Answer this attempt at a smear by reminding the American people that you are steady when under fire, you are the only man (excepting of course should you choose a combat vet as running mate) or woman on either ticket who has BEEN under fire, and you have performed so well you earned medals for your efforts.

As to your "steadiness": the ability to change one's mind is the hallmark of a mature human being. To spend one's life never changing your position or perspective about anything is to live firmly in a locked, closed world. I would not want such a mind in charge of my country. The world we inhabit and the challenges Americans face require intelligence, creativity and integrity. The next President must show patience, humor, and great resolve and he must have the ability to be creative about some very protracted problems our society is facing: civil rights, health care, jobs creation, Social Security, trade agreements, none of these can be viewed the same way they were viewed even three years ago.

We cannot -we must not- allow this Administration to use the tragedy of the attacks on our country as some sort of divine imprimateur granting them status as commander-soldiers. To have run when under fire would have been considered an act of desertion if these men had truly been soldiers or warriors - this President walks a very very thin line when he claims courage and valor and the record shows he was incommunicado for so long. Certainly Mr. Cheney's position is clear: to have constructed a lavish personal bunker from which he plays puppetmaster while our supposed President dedicates State college libraries? When does Bush do the work of running our nation? I digress. Please sir, Bring It On !!!!

Sir, choose anyone whom you feel genuine respect for and who connects with those Dilbert Voters and middle Americans in ways you feel you cannot. I will tell you, in my opinion I think your best choice is Howard Dean. He is considered an outsider, yet he knows government. He is smart, yet he speaks plainly and with enthusiasm. He is proNRA and yet was Governor of the first state to allow gay marriage. He has a huge political grassroots organization and I think you would be hard pressed to find a better choice of running mate. Unless of course Sam Nunn or Bill Clinton wants to go back into public service; still I would have to play eeny meeny miney moe with the three of them. I do not envy your choice sir, but I am profoundly grateful to you for all you have done for this country, my country, and for changing the political climate in the United States. Thank You for running, I am by your side and behind your candidacy no matter who you pick.

You are one class act Mr. Kerry. And I have been saying that since January .

the curmudgeon